Behind closed doors

"Go fetch Clary for me..." Isabelle's words run through his head again, driving him towards the door at the end of the hallway. Was it always this close? Surely he never felt that... it always used to be too far. Is widdle Jace afraid? Is he scared of what's behind a silly door? "Yes," he answers himself, "he is when she is on the other side." You weren't always, says a voice in his head. Remember her birthday? Oh yes, he can remember her birthday. He can remember the look of surprise on her face at seeing him on the other side of the door, can still see the way her blue spaghetti strap  hung off her shoulder in the greenhouse, can still feel the faint pressure of her lips on his-

"Stop it," he mutters, clenching his fists at his side. Somehow, he's walked a bit further down the hallway, even though his legs feel too heavy to lift. When did he stop feeling so eager to see her? Maybe when she looked at you that way, in that awful heartbroken way, and let you know it was all your fault? The voice suggests. "Go away," he hisses, banging his head softly against the wall. The patch of wall right next to Clary's door.

Jace freezes, looking at the door with an expression akin to horror. If she's in there... the thought dies as the door swings open. Clary stands in the doorway; her eyes look flinty, her hair pulled back into a messy bun, and with with pencil smudges all over her arms and cheeks. She had, Jace notices vaguely, her Ipod in one hand and the pencil in the other. The most he could focus on, however, was on staying put. The urge to go to her and wrap his arms around her had never been so strong. Why didn't you want to come here again?

"And what do you want?" Clary asks, her voice like steel. She quirks her eyebrow at him- when did she learn to do that?- and her mouth settles into a frown.

"Not me. Isabelle. Isabelle wants you to try her pancakes." he says, trying to make his voice take that tone he knows she hates. She wants to act cool and distant? She's not the only one who can...

Clary rolls her eyes, relaxing a little. "What have I done to deserve that? Are you trying to poison me or something?" she asks, not meeting his eyes but looking at a point around his shoulder.

Let's see... you broke the heart I didn't know I had? He answers in his head. "She knew no one else would give her an honest answer about how they taste." he tells her aloud, smirking. "She claims to have outdone herself. Not that hard to do really, I bet even you could do it."

"And I bet you can't." she shoots right back, finally looking at his face. "Is that batter on your face?" she asks, sounding truly curious. "What did she do to you?" She moves closer, trying to get a better look at his face.

Move away, Clary. You don't want to come any closer. Back away... Her face is so close, and her eyes are so green. And so... worried. Anxious. the voice supplies. Go away! he tells it, trying to stay as still as possible as Clary draws nearer. "Clary..." he hears himself say, just as she reaches up and wipes some of the batter off his cheek, right next to his mouth.

So fast he doesn't quite know how it happened, his hand snaps up and grabs her wrist, holding her hand to his face. He can see her eyes widen, then grow darker. There's no indecision in her eyes as she takes another step closer, bringing them close enough that now he can feel the heat coming off her body. He pulls her hand over slightly, bringing it to a stop over his lips. He whispers her name again, murmurs it into her hand; "Clary." He searches her eyes, watching as something in them breaks. "I'm sorry." he says, before releasing her and stepping back. Back away, Jace. Get away from her. Go back to Isabelle, where it's safe.

As soon as he stops touching her, he can see the loss shining out through her eyes. He takes a shaky breath, managing to say, "Isabelle, Clary. Remember? She needs you to try her pancakes." Don't touch her, Jace, you'll only make things worse for yourself. Do you want to have a repeat of earlier?

"Oh... right." she says, sounding as if she's speaking from the bottom of a well. "I'll go..." With that, she turns her back on him and walks down the hallway, without so much as a backward glance. See? The voice says as Jace slumps against the wall, she doesn't want you...